Hanging from the ceiling, tied back-to-back with her, Wink pressed his advantage and turned to Lily in his moment of need!
“Quick, Lily! Extemporize an expository monologue while I cut these ropes!”
“But Wink, you know I can’t make up exposition! Not since that fateful day when my mother was buried under a landslide of dialogue–We were working our way through the mountains of Cathay when an avalanche of text broke loose and slid down the rock face! I am still haunted by the adverbs rolling, collecting into adjectival phrases, into a vast, run-on boulder sleet of halefire… The last memory I have of my mother is the word Grandiose, crushing her-“
“Done! Thanks, Lily! You distracted the rope long enough for me to cut us loose!”
The two rushed from the pit and up the stairs, into the flushing sunlight!
“Wink! He’s getting away!”
“No!” Wink’s convulsion of regret emanated from his ejaculation, but hope sprung from inspiration! “Not if I can draw him back with a simple – [hrnk] verbal – [hrnf] mechanism [hrmph] indicating [grnff] effort!”
“You fools! You can never defeat me!” The villain, as yet unnamed, swore death and vengeance with this meticulous clichee!
“Wink! How?”
“Well, Lily, the people at home can’t see what I’m doing; when they heard me straining, they assumed I’d thought of some heroic method of defeating-“
“Wink? Of defeating-?”
“Yes, you fools! Of Defeating!”
“No, that’s a stupid name!” Wink’s eyebrows arched to cradle his manly forehead, deep in thought!
“Well, so what? Some of us have stupid names—Wink.”
“No villain of mine, though! You can be Doctor Beáns!”
“Won’t people think it’s pronounced beans?”
“No, again, that would be stupid!”
Lily, quick to point out a flaw in a plan, saw a flaw in Wink’s plan!
“Wink! Look out! He’s about to-“
“Ha ha! You see, Wink? You’re not the only one who can profit from doing things only vaguely!”
“No! They’ll see what Lily said and what you said and think I’ve been-“
“That’s right! They’ll know you’ve been defeated, Wink, just as I planned!” Only this time, it was Lily saying it, so let’s go back and try that again in the other voice!
“That’s right! They’ll know you’ve been defeated, Wink! Just as I planned, and Doctor Beáns will think so also, and he’ll be off his guard long enough for me to-“
“Fiddlesticks, girl! That trick can’t work thrice in a single short passage! That’s as stupid as Wink’s eyebrows being deep in thought!”
Wink turned quickly and finished off the newly yclept Doctor! “My eyebrows weren’t deep in thought—It was my forehead!”
“That’s somehow stupider!”
And it was!
Tune in next time for more–More of what?
Time
Will
Tell!
| Dr. Beáns | Himself |
| Ben Gibbs | &c. |