“Tell me, what does a person, who speaks at great length about dried grapes?”
“What ‘does’ a person? The hell does that mean?”
“I beg your pardon. When a person speaks at length about dried grapes, what is that activity called?”
“Wasting my time.”
“Ah, haha, well, I would say the person is-“
“You would.”
“Ah, no, raisin’ awareness.”
“About dried grapes.”
“Yes. Hee hee! Now, I’ll just be off-”
“What stump ain’t never heard of dried grapes?”
“I’m sorry, stump?”
“Yeah. A stump. Guy’d have to be a bag of hammers, ain’t heard of dried grapes.”
“What does a stump have to do with a bag of hammers?”
“I don’t know, Henny, what’s a stump got to do with a bag of hammers?”
“No, it, ah, wasn’t a riddle-“
“No joke, it wasn’t.”
“Ah, ha ha. Yes, how droll.”
“Droll as a toothache. Look, why you wasting my time with this mess about dried grapes?”
“Well, you see, it-“
“I do not see no dried grapes.”
“No, ah, um, see in the sense of-“
“Yeah, see is a sense. I also do not hear no dried grapes. You want me to try an’ psychic some around here?”
“Psychic? No, I merely meant to say-“
“Say ain’t a sense. You ain’t super au courant on what is and ain’t a sense.”
“Oh! Oh, my! Au courant, ah, haha, ah, I see what you’ve done there.”
[A pause for emotional effect.]
“Do tell? What exactlically have I done there?”
“Well, of course, a currant is a kind of raisin, and I thought, you had said, you see, it seemed to me-“
“Lots of thinkin’ over there. Not much sense, seems to me. I ain’t said ‘a currant.’ I ain’t some kinda ignoramus. I said, au courant, it means up to speed, which you ain’t, it seems. Besides, currants ain’t all raisins. There are a variety of plant species which may be referred to as a ‘currant,’ and only one of them is a small grape which has been dried.”
“Ah, well, given, ah, but it could be-“
“Could be nothin’. You come around here, tryin’ ta’ tell us yokels what’s what about dried grapes, you don’t even know what is a currant. Sounds like you is the one needs your awareness raised.”
“No, ah, not raised, you see, but raisin. Rais-in, you see.”
“Oh, yeah. I guess I get it. It ain’t exactly a gasser, is it?”
“Ah, well, no, I suppose it isn’t, ah, at that.”
“Now, didja ever hear the one about the priest and he has to do a exorcism on a swiss cheese? It’s a scream.”
“No, you see, I apologize. This was intended to be a quick joke and escape, and I fear I have dedicated, as it were, more time to the, ah, joke than I, hmm, intended.”
“Ok, well, I’ll let ya go this time. I ever catch you around here tryin’a be funny again, though, yer gonna catch a holy hell. Like that priest.”
“Quite.”
Read by Ruth Gibbs
And Ben GibbsMusic Present and Accounted For