Lefty Griswold had been known, from time to time, to pull a fast one. In a town as small as Ruston, though, his options for suckers were painfully limited. Especially with that rotten Alicia Curry around.
Alicia avidly pursued life’s available mysteries, large and small. Alicia was the smartest kid at Ruston High, a small school out on the edge of the flat plains that surrounded the town, and, Lefty would be quick to tell you, unskilled at minding her own beeswax.
Alicia and Rusty had tangled several times over the years. He knew, when she came around, the jig was up, but that wouldn’t stop him from trying. She figured out that he was the one selling counterfeit tickets to the high school football games because of the typeface he’d used. She’d caught him swindling tourists who had come to nearby Lake Thomas to fish by setting up fake “magic fishing spot” tours, then dumping them overboard while wearing a swamp monster mask because she recognized the chemical reaction of the latex mask and his hair pomade. She’d traced the stolen bearer-bond score back to him after a heist a year or so ago because of a piece of chewed gum, and he didn’t think he’d ever hear the end of it from the sheriff. Then there was that “mix-up” over the mayor’s missing Chevrolet, and it was Alicia who had found the stupid thing where Lefty had hidden it in an old warehouse because of the smell of motor oil on his shoe.
But now, Alicia stood before Lefty’s filthy gas station, the usual spot to catch him after a scheme, and looked down at him sitting in his busted lawn chair and smiling up at her. Lefty knew, he had put one over. Alicia was so mad she could spit.
“Lefty,” she started, sharply. “Did you burn down the five-and-dime?”
Lefty continued to gaze up at the child, blithely. He thought a little wry wit mightn’t go amiss.
“Me? How could I have? It’s well known that I have a terrible allergy to dimes. I couldn’t go near the place to burn it down. Not without getting a rash all over my skin.”
Lefty sarcastically displayed his uncovered arms, relatively smooth or at least devoid of terrible allergy-related bumps.
Alicia didn’t like it, but that wasn’t unusual where Lefty was concerned.
She demanded, “Where were you an hour ago, when the fire started?”
He put on a hurt expression and shook his head. “Where is the trust in this world?”
“The trust must have burned up with the store. Where were you?”
“I had just eaten and was enjoying a postprandial constitutional.”
Alicia screwed up her nose.
“It means I was walking after lunch,” he explained.
“Oh, I knew what it meant. I just think it stinks.”
“Well, it can stink all you want, but it don’t change the fact, I was having a walk after lunch. I couldn’t have burned down no building.”
“And I suppose you had your usual lunch?”
“Yep. Three hot dogs, extra mustard and relish. Just like every day.”
Alicia sniffed in disgust before realizing it was probably rude. “And no napkins.”
“Right, and keep all my filth in a little packet so it can act like a germ bomb? Nah, napkins is a scam by big pharma to spread lab-grown diseases.”
“Well, there is a good side, at least.”
“What’s that?” Lefty sneered.
“One conspiracy jerk is going to get what’s coming to him today.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah. The sheriff will be here momentarily, and you’ll be going away for sure this time. A man died in that fire, Lefty.”
How did Alicia know Lefty was the mysterious arsonist?
Spoiler follows!
Stop here and see if you can figure out the mystery!
According to awful form, Lefty’s sideways chat-forum bunkum gave him away!
Lefty ate the same lunch every day: three hot dogs with extra mustard and relish, and no napkins. Alicia knew, a man who eats a hog dog with extra mustard will need to wipe his mouth, and Lefty always used his arms. When lefty showed his arms in his little jest about his “dime allergy,” she saw that he hadn’t wiped the mustard there, so he hadn’t had a hot dog lunch.
As soon as the sheriff arrived, Lefty came clean. He’d started the fire in the five-and-dime after having an argument with Old Man Willis. This time, the DA could get an indictment for sure!
| Dr. Beáns | Banjo |
| Ben Gibbs | &c. |